Blah

Blah. Thats how I feel right now. Blah. I don't want to move unless its to put things into my body or taking things out. I don't want to talk unless I don't have to see your face or hear your voice. I don't want to eat unless it's something full of fat, salt and/or sugar (Chocolate-covered peanut butter pretzel bites really hit the spot). I don't want to get out of bed unless its to roam around on the internet, casually observing but not really contributing much, just like me in real life. Most of all I don't want to reminisce. Any other period in my life time I enjoy a good bout of reminiscence but not now. It'll just make me think of us, and when I think of us I get sad because "Us" isn't really much at all anymore. being sad is no fun, but I am sad a lot so I take a twisted sort of confort in it's familiarity. I will continue to enthusiastically talk to you over the internet, pretending that none of that matters anymore, pretending that you are just a good ol' chum to me, nothing more. Maybe I will compliment you but you won't think anything of it. You will compliment me and I will think everything of it. Maybe you will tell me I am "sweet" or "cute". A voice will whisper, taunting, into my ear "Not sweet enough. Not cute enough" then you will tell me you have to go, wish me goodnight, and send me a little <2, which I can only assume means "I like you as a friend but don't get any ideas". I will continue to think about you until I fall into a dreamless sleep, full of false hope. Maybe I will wake up to a text from you. Maybe I will smile, reminisce, then feel blah for the rest of the day. It'll be Christmas soon, but I am an Atheist so even if there is a Jesus he will probably make me feel blah on Christmas because he is a spiteful douche.

Blaaaaahhhhh.

I think I hear my pre-cooked frozen pizza calling.