Consolation Prize

I wish I would win more. Win contests and draws and things. Just generally win at life. But I don't win. I'm pretty much a huge loser. No matter how good I am there is always someone better. There are always a hundred people better. I get a consolation prize that does nothing to console me.

To Clefairy (Clarify)

Shit is about to get metaphorical up in here. MIXED metaphorical. Like a metaphor stew. An unappetizing looking, but nonetheless delicious stew.

So I have herpes. Not real genital herpes, obviously, but an emotional herpes. Herpes of the heart, if you will. This is because I always have it, dormant, inside me. There is no cure, it can be painful sometimes when it flairs up, and all I can do is treat the symptoms. It's just something I guess I have to live with. 

But even then it's really more like a wild beast. what kind of beast you ask? Well I'm not really sure. Could be something boring like a bear or a wolf, or it could be something awesome like a hydra or a manticore or a giant saber-tooth moose-lion. Regardless of the beast, it is starving. Starving and chained up, because I don't really want that shit getting loose. the chain is really old and shitty though, so really it could break out whenever it wanted as long as it gets something to eat. Problem is no one really wants to feed it. Whether that is because my beastie friend is ugly or scary or intimidating, I dont really know. But it could make a really great pet if you groom it and tame it and take it for walks and feed it on a regular bases and maybe house-train it. 

So there you go. My emotional starving beast. My herpes of the heart. My metaphor stew.

Shit that was like three layers.

Now. Back to Borderlands.

Delicious.

Man I am under so much pressure now...

So I rediscovered Doodle or Die yesterday. I have been having a lot of fun with it. Sometimes I am a huge genius but usually I am pretty lame.

See? This is why I never update. Because my life is boring as shit!

So anyway. I'm starting a band. Pricey Mike and the Midnight Huevos. Its no big deal. Tell your friends. We're gonna be pretty big. God I'm boring. Whatever, I just gotta grind through it. somewhere in my brain there is a beautiful nugget of wonderment and I just need to shovel through all the blah.

Man, My symbolic metaphorical herpes are flaring up like crazy lately. I should see a doctor about this...

Little Ghost

Swiftly, I move.
Gliding and weaving through crowds.
Out of the corners of eyes, I am seen.
A ghostly figure from the background of a vague memory.
I am unknown
unseen
unnoticed.
I am an accessory
with emphasis on the "sorry"
I am the dust on your TV screen.
I am an extra in life's devine tragedy.
I am the background music in elevators and grocery stores.
I am the one who coughs in quite exam rooms.
I do not live or love or laugh.
I am only noticed when I am gone.
I am everyone's little ghost.

Killer Kettle

I don't really remember a lot about us.

I don't really remember a lot about our weird mutated pseudo-love.

I don't really remember much except what your skin feels like when we used to lay together.

I remember the sound of your voice mocking "My Neighbour Totoro".

I remember the smell of your bedsheets.

I remember the taste of your lips the first time I kissed you, drunk on exhaustion.

I remember the weird grape-crush smell of your hair when you coloured it red with temporary dye.

I remember holding you in your kitchen as we waited for a banana flambe to be ready.


I remember when you told me you cheated on me.

You wanted me to be angry, but I wasn't.

Because you didn't cheat.

Because we were never together.

You made quite sure of that.

You made sure that you never kissed me in public.

Or held my hand.

Or grinned at me over a shared Iced-Chai.

You made sure everything whatever we had was always behind tightly shut doors.


At least,

that's how I remember it.